My life feels very "out of control" right now as we are frantically working to prepare our sub plans for school, make arrangements for our responsibilities at church, pack, have our house in order, arrange for care for Jake (our dog) and numerous other things that we need to take care of before we leave NEXT THURSDAY. It's all wonderful stress, but it is very overwhelming at times.
I have been thinking so much about Jaxson and this upcoming adjustment for him. Life, as he has always known it, is about to end. It will be a bitter time of sadness and pain for him. We know he will grieve and we are prepared to deal with his grief process. However, when you already feel love and attachment to someone, you hate the thought of them having to go through pain! I feel a mix of emotions - including guilt - for what we are about to do to his world. He has no understanding that he was abandoned at three days of age....he does not know that he is an orphan. He does not realize what it would be like to have a mommy and a daddy (and a great big sister) who want to keep him forever and give him a life he could never, ever receive in China. I just keep imagining how Alexis would have felt, at age two, if someone had taken her from us. Jaxson probably cannot remember living anywhere other than his foster home.
I have to keep reminding myself that this painful phase will PASS and then we will reap the plentiful joys and rewards of adoption/parenting. We will tell him his story, and some day he will understand.
One of my favorite albums to listen to right now is Andrew Peterson's CD, "Counting Stars." We saw him in concert in February with Steven Curtis Chapman. The song I love the most is a song entitled, "Planting Trees." For anyone who has children or works with children, it is such an encouragement and a wonderful reminder that our efforts, heartaches, "bad days," joys and celebrations now are NOT just about today - but about the future and the unbelievable opportunity we have to influence the lives of others.
If you have a moment, listen to this song. I think of the "trees" (Alexis and Jaxson) that we are "planting," as well as the children at school and church that I work with.
Many people have asked how they can help us right now, and we SO GREATLY appreciate everyone's support and encouragement. We just value everyone's prayers and encouragement more than anything! Please pray for our hearts and minds as we prepare to leave , our nerves (I do not like 1 hour plane rides...let alone 16 hours), Alexis' transition and Jaxson's grief process.
Click below for the "Planting Trees" song!