Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Adoption Update...Oh, BOY!

A friend of mine shared this quote with me this week, and it really touched me.  It sums up our intentions perfectly:

"By adopting a child and helping them reach their potential, they help us reach ours. An adopted child is not an unwanted child; to the contrary. They are a child who was searched for, prayed for, cried for, begged for; received by arms that ached, making empty hearts full. Love is meant to be shared" - Author Unknown
This week we definitely felt the "prayed for, cried for, begged for" part.  Yet another match night came and went and no luck!  We know that we haven't waited years or as long as many who are struggling with starting/expanding a family the "traditional" way, but we have exceeded the "1-3 months at the most" timeline we were given.  It's not like we are waiting to move up our agency's list - we are at the top and have been for a while.  They have tried hard to match us and there have just been very few young girls available.  Those that were have been quickly - within seconds - locked by other agencies.  Our agency is not exactly sure why our particular case is taking so long - and we even expanded our list of needs we would accept.

We see other families - logged in AFTER us (from other agencies) - being matched with children and preparing to travel.  We see Alexis' confusion as we try to explain that they couldn't "find" Annabelle again this month.  It's just so sad and devastating to know that two parents are able, willing and WANTING to bring a child into their home and there are HUNDREDS - actually THOUSANDS - of children in need of families and we are just stuck waiting!  It seems the red tape and bureaucracy of adoption is getting to me this week.  It is a very emotional roller coaster of a process and you feel you are constantly building up hope, getting anxious, feeling disappointed, reeling from the disappointment and starting all over again.  Since we started the process in December, we are just feeling a little emotionally tired this week!  We know other adoptive parents have been through this - some for much longer.  Adoption is a tough process!

Before we even discussed our situation with our agency, we had been having thoughts and wonderings about adopting a boy.  Originally, we did not realize that there are so many young boys with minor needs in this program.  Usually girls are abandoned in China.  However, boys with any type of need are not usually "wanted," and when families already have one boy, the cost of keeping two or breaking the "one-child" law is not an option. 

I have read on several sites that nearly 75% of the shared list of babies/children is boys, and nearly 75% of the families hoping to be matched off the list are looking for girls.  Our odds of finding a little boy should be much greater.

So, after much thought, prayer and discussion, we decided to be open to a little BOY as well as a girl.  We want our agency to continue looking for a girl, but if a boy is available and meets our criteria, we will be thrilled.  Alexis is excited about the option of having a little brother, and is already going through the house identifying toys she thinks he would like!  We'll definitely have to work on the name (Annabelle just won't work!) and I'll have to redesign the ladybug-themed room, but that's ok......we feel that maybe we weren't matched yet because we were meant to be a family to a little boy! 

Thanks for your prayers as we continue this journey!  Some day this unpleasant waiting and wondering will all be worth it!

1 comment:

  1. that is a tough decision to come to and we applaud you for it. i hope you can trust the two things that i am about to tell you. first, when the match comes and certainly when your child is placed in your arms, then you will understand what all the wait was for. second, we are more than happy to talk to you about it all if you need to.